Here’s How You Can Show Up for Your Loved One With Cancer

A cancer diagnosis can come as a major shock, but the initial diagnosis is only the beginning. Between regular oncology appointments, prognosis updates, cancer treatments, and dealing with treatment side effects, living with cancer can come with a revolving door of emotions. 

At Arizona Center for Cancer Care, you can trust our board-certified oncologists to give your loved one top-of-the-line, compassionate care. Our team specializes in medical oncology, radiation oncology, and treatment approaches. You can find our offices in Avondale, Chandler, Gilbert, Glendale, Mesa, Phoenix, Scottsdale, Surprise, Anthem, Peoria, Fountain Hills, Wickenburg, Apache Junction, Sun City, Sun City West, Goodyear, and Tempe, Arizona.

While clinical care can help treat the cancer, your support as a friend or loved one is also invaluable to the person’s well-being. Here, we share tips for how you can show up for your loved one with cancer:

Be a visitor

Don’t be a stranger to a loved one with cancer. Although you might not always know what to say, simply being present can help your loved one lighten the mood and help them take their mind off the heaviness of new cancer developments. 

When making visits, be sure to:

• Call before showing up to make sure it’s a good time
• Keep your visits short
• Make plans ahead of time
• Visit regularly
• Visit during the week if you can — most people visit during weekends and holidays
• Bring snacks or small gifts

If your loved one has a caregiver, you may coordinate visits with the caregiver to make sure it’s a good time and allow the caregiver time out of the house. 

Helpful things to say

When talking to a loved one with cancer, especially if you’ve never been close with someone with cancer before, you might wonder what’s appropriate to say and what isn’t. 

Here are some tips for speaking kindly and helpfully: 

• Offer a listening ear
• Offer honest compliments
• Ask what you can do to help
• Include your loved one in group conversations
• Talk about positive subjects, like pets or travel stories
• Ask questions 
• Request advice

It’s important to be mindful of your loved one’s energy levels while making conversation: Don’t expect them to talk a lot if they’re not feeling up to it. Additionally, don’t feel the need to respond if you’re unsure of what to say. Sometimes listening is more important. 

What not to say

Cancer and topics surrounding it can be sensitive. While you don’t need to overthink, here are some tips to avoid saying something unhelpful:

• Don’t say, “I know exactly how you feel,” even if you’ve had similar experiences
• Avoid commenting on appearance changes like hair loss or weight loss
• Avoid words that might pressure your friend to act a certain way, like saying they’re strong
• Try not to say anything judgmental or comment on past behaviors, like smoking
• Don’t offer medical advice or question their treatment decisions

Remember that your loved one isn’t helpless. While you might have the urge to give advice or do unsolicited favors, it’s better to ask if there’s anything you can do to assist. Avoid taking it personally if they decline your help or don’t feel like talking. 

If you like giving gifts

Are you a gift-giver? Your loved one might appreciate the occasional small, useful gift. Large purchases may be unnecessary or unhelpful, but if you see something your loved one might need, don’t hesitate to surprise them with it. 

A small treat, a pair of socks, a book, or a sentimental photo can brighten a person’s day. 

Get in touch

Our team at Arizona Center for Cancer Care is here to support you and your family. Call Arizona Center for Cancer Care or request an appointment online today.